Depleted

I don't know how else to describe what I feel...just depleted. It was a pretty good day in that I was pretty functional. My mood was weird but I was not nearly as disconnected as I was before. My friend says you couldn't guess by looking at me that anything was wrong, and that seems so strange to me because I feel so insanely different that usual. It is definitely a lot less chaotic, and for that reason I can say it is a huge improvement.

This morning I was almost chipper. I couldn't stop talking. I did get a full night's sleep last night (after tripping out on the Ambien--that stuff is crazy!) but not enough to catch up, and unfortunately not quite enough to wear off all the Ambien. If you don't get eight hours you get a hangover headache, but it eventually lost out to the sinus headache I've had since yesterday. Overall, it was a fairly "good" day, considering what the past few weeks have been like. I haven't gotten nearly enough work done, and my instincts tell me I should be up until past midnight working on stuff, but I'll probably have to pass out before that.

Aidan has strep throat again and my dad took the day off to hang out with him which he liked better anyways since we don't have cable. Tomorrow there's no school so he'll be there until I finish my day tomorrow, and then he's going to spend Friday and Saturday night with my mom. I will miss him like crazy, but I have so much work to do. I'm sure I'll get terribly lonely, so I hope I can get out and visit some friends.

Speaking of friends and family, I am so fortunate (to the point that tears are coming to my eyes again) to have such a supportive family and some friends who I can talk to about this. Honestly, the friends who know what's going on with me are not ones that I have known the longest or been the closest to, but the fact that they are understanding of my situation makes this a thousand times easier. Every time I have been through depression before, I have hidden it from everyone. The result of that is typically feeling very lonely and sorry for myself, which only prepetuates the problem. I also had the idea that depression happened to me because I had "issues" that I need to work out, and that I was emotionally damaged. Coming to realize that depression is a real medical problem has helped to de-stigmatize it in my mind, and to be able to admit it and talk about it more freely. And I feel so much more optimistic about it this time.

Things to be happy about today:

1. My awesome dad and my awesome kid, who are so much alike it's uncanny.

2. A very undertanding boss and professor (it's so hard to be able to admit that I'm capable of less than my 100%--they made it easier to do).

3. Lunch with Ashley every Thursday, with whom I can always laugh--I look forward to it every week!

4. A new haircut.

5. The gym...and running into friends at the gym.