The last two days have I have been happy to participate in reality to a moderate extent. I haven't written much because I have been actually getting things done...slowly. I am making lots of progress indeed! The seratonin makes a big difference, and cutting back on coffee has produced a noticable improvement. I was a bit out of it today during discussions, but considering how I feel, I don't think they went too bad. One kid in my 1:00 class is totally philosophical--which is awesome--but he threw me a total curveball that I just did NOT have the mental agility to catch.
By the time I made it to therapy, I was not feeling so bad. I had finished my one cup of coffee and was talkative and had been thinking some things over all week that it was good to get out. Now that I'm able to see things a bit more as they are--rather than how I have made them in my head--I begin to see that certain sources of stress were things that I should be over by now. All in all, I left there feeling very proud of myself for the way I had handled certain things recently, and for my recent accomplishments. I really don't have much to be depressed about, and that helps my outlook for getting over the bio-chemical causes of this episode. Like I said before, the new meds do help, but it is quite exhausting getting adjusted to them.
Today I forgave myself for my shortcomings, I remembered all the good reasons for loving myself (I had forgotten that I'm so beautfiul and smart, and funny!), and I took a few moments to enjoy the beauty that surrounds me.*
*When I was walking to my car this afternoon, I noticed the way the sunshine illuminated the beautiful buildings on campus--Dyche Hall, Watson, Fraser, Lippincott--and I remembered the feeling they gave me when I first started at KU. I felt like I was in the game of LIFE. I felt so tiny, in a wonderful way; like this thing that surrounds me was something greater than myself. It made me feel like I was going to be okay.
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