This felt good to write

This morning was an interesting one. It took me forever to get out of bed (Aidan was late to school again--I'm lame, I know!) but once I did, I met the day with some optimism. I got dressed, fixed some coffee, and made some phone calls to get a prescription refilled. While I was on my cell phone with the nurse, my home phone rang. Only about three people have my home phone number (Aidan, my mom, and AT&T), so I figured it was about my phone bill or something. After it rang about eight times, I hung up with the nurse and picked up the other phone. It was my baby's tiny little voice. At first I was worried that he might be sick. Then he asked me if I could come up to the school at 10:30, and I worried that he might be in trouble. When I asked him what was up, he said that he just wanted to invite me to the Read-a-Thon they were having that day, since parents were allowed to come. I honestly have no idea what compelled him to leave class and call me at 9 a.m. but I didn't really care. I was honored.

I got to the school a little late, but they were finishing up having class pictures taken in the gym, so I hung out with them until they went up to the classroom. Aidan was SO happy I was there. I was, too. I love that little guy so incredibly much that I was truly thankful for this opportunity to spend a little extra time with him and show him I cared. We had a great time. There were a bunch of Dr. Suess books and he read me my favorite, Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now, and apparently had informed the entire class several times that this had been my favorite book as a kid. I think I told him that years ago, but he still remembered. Then, after I started reading my economic history textbook that I had brought with me, and he was reading the Foxtrot book I got him for Valentine's Day, I overheard another mom reading to her daughter a book that I had read a thousand times to Aidan when he was little. It's called My Many Colored Days and it was so insanely fitting for the way I had been feeling lately--it describes different moods with colors and animals. Once they were done with it, I asked if I could read it to him. I had done it so many times before, all I had to do was look at the picture on the page and I could recite the little poem on each one for him. He was VERY impressed by this. It was a really awesome time. After that I stayed and had lunch with him and remembered how crappy public school lunches were, but didn't care because I have the coolest kid in the world. And he loves me so much.

After that I had office hours, and then went to a coffee shop and did some homework. I was relatively productive, but did a lot of staring off into space. I felt so weird all day long! My doc upped my Zoloft a bit today, and that takes time to work, but I hope it helps. I really feel like this whole meds thing is such a crazy experiment. I have no idea when I will feel normal again, but I do know that if I wasn't taking them I would be in a much worse place than I am now. I can't believe I used to go through this and do nothing about it. Well, not nothing--I self-medicated in pretty unhealthy ways. I am so glad that I am going through the process of coming to terms with it and learning to deal with it in a much better way, but it's a little overwhelming at times to accept the fact that I have an illness that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I have been living with it for as long as I can remember--over 20 years now--and I suppose this is a big turning point in my life.

It's so crazy because this is JUST what my astrology has been describing. I'm going through my Saturn return, which happens every 29 years and is a very trying time, but which one can typically emerge from with a new and improved outlook on life. Mine is supposed to last until August 2009, but dear god, I hope I'm better by then. I also had some other weird planetary influences that talked about coming to terms with something that would be difficult to accept, and being forced to change the way I looked at certain parts of my life, and learning that I don't know everything I thought I knew. Dear lord, I am a scholar--I can't believe I still believe in that stuff. But seriously, it is so right on it's creepy!!

Anyways, this is going to be a very busy week, and I should be finishing up another paper now. Good night, voices in my head. Talk to you tomorrow!