Me again

Um, three posts in the last twelve hours. Can you tell what kind of day I have had? I just read that last one and it makes me feel super crazy. I am super crazy. But as my homegirl says, truly crazy people don't know they're crazy. I know I'm crazy, therefore I must not be. Just like in Catch 22. Maybe I just need to stop asking to be grounded and they'll ground me?

Well, I will tell you that this weather is not good for me. It is cold and I have stayed holed up in my house for almost all of the last 48 hours. Not healthy, I know. On top of it, the arthritis in my knee is killing me. Another reason why I need to get to the gym--it makes me feel less old.

My Granny called today. We talked for about an hour. She is the best. She truly is. It really lifted my spirits. She said that she knows it's a chemical thing, and how debilitating it can be. She is so right. As hard as I am trying to help myself, sometimes it just shuts me down. That's what makes some days feel so long. To be awake, and not to be able to accomplish anything is so frustrating, especially when I know how much I am capable of. And of course, my Granny reminded me of these things and that makes it a bit easier to push on.

I am so lucky to have such a supportive family. My mom has tried to help, but I honestly do not think that she has been sane for years. I feel bad for her, but I can't do anything about it. She doesn't want to know she's crazy, so she doesn't. My father is amazingly awesome and my stepmom, though she has her own quirks, does all she can for me, too. I think she might not realize that what I am going through is actually a disease. She keeps telling me to tell myself I have nothing to be depressed about. I know this. But my brain apparently does not.